• Jacob Zarate

He said/She said: Christmas Season


With the holiday season behind us, there are plenty of reasons to smile (or frown), no matter how hard 2020 has been for everyone. In the Red and Blue’s first ever ‘he said, she said’ style article, staff writer Jacob Zarate *cough cough*, the grinch, *cough cough* and guest writer Charlotte Burks (who might be the closest the world will get to a physical embodiment of Whoville during Christmas time) will attempt to unveil the positives (and the negatives) of the Christmas holiday. This article would have been posted around December 25, if only the pandemic and technical difficulties were figments of the imagination. Alas, let us look back at the Christmas season.


1. Christmas Decorations:


She Said-

Christmas decor is the universal signal of home. Similarly to Thanksgiving, no matter who or where you are, everybody has some positive memory related to Christmas decor. Mistletoe? Warm kisses near fireplaces or under doorways. Christmas trees? The smell of forests in your own home. Even ordinary colors, in the Christmas season, are transformed into beautiful reminders of passion and life!

He Said-

Mistletoe, blech. The ubiquitous reminder that us single ladies have no one to “put a ring on it.” And what about Christmas trees? It’s barbaric the way we treat them. We chop them from the ground, like we’re some sort of serial killers, and decorate their poor dead bodies with shiny glass. We even relish the scent of their slowly decaying pines! It’s horrible!


2. Visiting Family:


She Said-

Christmas is one of the only times of year where you get your whole family in one place, whether virtually or in person. Maybe it consists of a phone call to another continent, or another year you take a couple of hour flight to see family, but either way, during Christmas, everyone gathers together to catch up. Nothing can beat the warm feeling of your whole family in one space, huddled together in ugly Christmas sweaters!

He Said-

For those of you who have family visiting for the holidays, my heart goes out to you. Trust me, I know the *struggle* of having to fake niceties to distant relatives. I know how awkward it gets when Uncle John starts rambling on about politics (boring!) and crazy Auntie Sue starts talking about the latest in her dieting and fitness plan. And I understand when your great-great-aunt gives not-too-subtle hints that you should gain some weight because you’re too skinny. We’ve all been in that situation when your distant cousins march into your room like Han Solo marches into the Millennium Falcon, acting like they own the place. And for those of you who have NICE and FRIENDLY family members, know that you are very much envied. (Don’t even get me started on Aunt Edna’s caroling. With a set of distorted pipes like that, it would make sense to wrap her in CAUTION! signs.)


3. Presents:


She Said-

Christmas presents are such a joy to both give and get. They don’t even have to be material presents! The gifts of time with family, love that will last a lifetime, and more importantly, memories made and shared together are more than enough to give or receive.

He Said-

Presents, *heavy sigh* such a disappointment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure they have our best interests at heart, but, *another sigh” I think it’s best to just stick to gift cards. There is nothing more awkward than trying to put on the new clothes you got, and realizing they’re way too big. Or worse, they’re too small. Oh the embarrassment! Woe is me! And the mortification of getting *barely audible gasp* undergarments! I don’t even want to go there…


4. Dessert:

She Said-

Desserts are as sweet as the Christmas season itself! They are even mentioned in the most iconic Christmas song, We Wish You a Merry Christmas, in the form of “Oh, bring us some figgy pudding.” Chocolate is everywhere in the Christmas season, peppermint is just as abundant, and the list goes on! Some of the best memories of the Christmas season can be formed over dessert, whether the dessert is shared or eaten alone. Sitting by the fireplace in a warm sweater and fluffy socks while sipping hot chocolate with any topping you want… ah, it just screams the holiday season.

He Said-

Unfortunately, there is not much to complain about, sadly. Dessert is just so good at being delicious. Maybe a little too good. How many times have you ate *ahem* a healthy amount of food and discovered that the next day you have gained *ahem* a few pounds? I know, too many times! And then right after that, we have New Year’s Eve and you realize that your goal of losing weight was completed butchered by the amount of sweets you ate during the Christmas season. It stinks. Since we’re on the matter of stinking, do you know what dessert stinks? Fruitcake! No one even likes it! I almost feel bad for it, but it’s gross!


5. Weather:


She Said-

The weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, so since there’s no place to go… let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

-Dean Martin

He Said- The weather outside is frightful, and frostbite is just plain awful, with red runny noses and flu-like diagnosis, winter makes me quite spiteful.

-Jacob Zarate


6. Hallmark Movies:


She Said-

Happy endings. Need I say more? Especially in a year such as 2020, Hallmark movies provide everybody the happy endings they deserve. True love, snow, hot chocolate and more are found in every movie! Did I mention true love? Hallmark movies are a vivid reminder of one of the biggest parts of the Christmas season, love (romantic or otherwise, though let’s be honest, it's Hallmark, so mostly romantic).

He Said-

Happy endings. Blech, who wants that? Romance is totally overrated anyhow. I can be a strong and independent bachelor, thank you very much. All of the cheesy, corny, Hallmark movies make me sick. Like, just tell him you like him for crying out loud, Lisa! Either that, or tell her you’re actually a prince, John! Or even better, tell her you want to be out-of-the-pathetic-friend-zone-you’ve-been-stuck-in-for-years, Brad! Oh, and while we’re at it, dogs do not just magically lead you to the love of your life! They awkwardly bark at poor, unassuming people and leave you apologizing profusely. That, and they poop. A lot. And they make you clean it up while they smile at you the whole time.


Conclusion- Now you have heard both arguments for the Christmas spirit (or a lack thereof). Did Jacob convert you into a *lovely* grinch? Or, come next holiday season, are you going to become a seasonal resident of Whoville *immature laugh* more like boo-ville, and set up your Christmas decor with pride?


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